


the B-rated house of horrors!

by Tokenlesbian



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Horror, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Attempted Murder, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Body Horror, British people cooking, Cannibalism, Canon Rewrite, Edd is a dumbass, Gen, I'm slowly loosing my grasp on reality, Murder, Not Canon Compliant, POV Alternating, POV Multiple, Possible Unrequited Feelings, Psychological Horror, Serial Killers, Tords love of forks is quite prevalent here, Vegetarian Matt, Violence, fake relationship(?), tags might change/be added as i go, this is a dark fic guys im so sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:15:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28076823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tokenlesbian/pseuds/Tokenlesbian
Summary: Edd learns the hard way you probably shouldn't invite dirty, frightening, homeless criminals off the street to live in your house indefinitely after talking for less than an hour, even if you did used to be friends.
Relationships: Edd & Tord (Eddsworld), Matt & Tord (Eddsworld), None
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	1. oWO? whats this uwu

Edd opened the door to the corner store, greeted with the sound of a chime and the smell of plastic, and fried chicken from the back of the store wafting through the air. He opened his phone, checked his notes app, and grabbed a shopping cart. This week was his turn to buy groceries, and quite frankly he preferred doing it anyway. Every time Matt went to the store he rarely came back with anything they needed, and sometimes he’d forget food altogether. Tom on the other hand, usually got  _ most  _ of what they needed, though he’d often put things back in favor of buying more alcohol. Edd also found that by going shopping by himself he could make sure they bought enough soda for the week too. 

He turned down the first aisle, checking his phone, “eggs, bacon, and baking mix.” He muttered to himself. He found them pretty fast, although the baking mix was curiously gone. Next on the list was stuff like cereal and oatmeal, with skim milk for Matt. Edd continued down the aisles, when he got to the cereal section and saw a shorter man with shaggy dirty-blonde hair, a red hoodie, and a black trench coat over it, trying to grab a box of frosted mini-wheats off the top shelf. He wasn't necessarily short, but he was clearly trying to get at a box at the back of the shelf, and his arms obviously weren’t long enough for such a venture.  _ “I should probably help that guy.”  _ Edd thought as he walked over. “Lemme get that mate.” The man stood back, as Edd grabbed the box from the back, handing it to him. “Those back shelves are a bugger to get stuff off-“ Edd blinked when he saw the man's face. “Wait, Tord?” He said, both shocked and quizzical. The man reacted at the sound of the name Tord. He hesitated, the process of trying to recall a name clearly painted across his face. “Edd?” He said cautiously, like he wasn’t sure himself. Edd’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Tord!” He said again, smiling big, and hugging Tord’s smaller frame. “Dude! I haven’t seen you in ages!” He stepped back, leaving the embrace. “I didn’t recognize you with your natural hair, haha.” Tord smiled shyly, as a hand went to his pseudo-mullet haircut. “Ah, well I finally figured that it was time I grew out of my emo phase. How have you been?” 

“I’ve been great, the whole lot of us have! I was just out shopping today and-“ 

“Wait, us?” Tord cut in. “Oh yeah, the others, Tom and Matt and Ringo-“ 

“You all still live.. together?” Tord asked, almost shocked.” Edd furrowed his brow. “Well, yeah! Same address too, although we’ve renovated the house some since.” Tord looked surprised. “I thought you all would have moved out by now, after I left I mean.” Edd shrugged. “There’s really no reason too, I mean by sharing the house we save a ton on bills, and if we’re being honest-“ Edd moved his bangs from his eyes. “I don’t know if Matt could live on his own. He’d actually have to take time away from his mirrors and get a job.” Edd laughed, as did Tord. “Well, it’s nice to hear you all have been doing good!” 

“What about you?” Edd said. “You live around here?” Tord’s laugh quickly faded, and he started scratching the back of his wrist. “.. ah well, you could say that I suppose.” Edd raised an eyebrow, looking Tord over good. He had dark purple shadows under his eyes, and a new, but faint scar across his left jaw. The red hoodie he wore was faded, the drawstrings chewed and the sweater hem frayed in some places. His trousers were worn thin at the knees, ripped at places towards the bottom, and with some dark stains around the ankles. His sneakers were in a pitiful state, busting out the sides and stained with mud and the same dark colors as his pants. His trench coat was arguably in the best state, but it still showed signs of constant wear, especially around the collar and sleeve hems. “I have been.. staying around.” Tord said, choosing his words carefully enough for Edd to take notice. _ “That’s weird.”  _ Edd thought, but brushed it off. “Aha. Well, then, how about your job? Did you ever make it big with any of those inventions?” Edd inquired. “Some of em were pretty cool! Like the insta-couch.” Tord kept scratching his wrist. “Well, I did at first. A few companies picked up my designs. But you know how it is.” He said, waving a hand. Edds excitedment faltered some. “No.. I don’t.” He said cautiously. There was an awkward silence for a moment, until Edd picked up the slack, again. “You said you stayed around, where are you living now?” He asked, a theory forming in his head. Tord shrugged. “I've got a room up at the speedy motel on Lively street while I’m in between apartments. I had some roommates-“ Tord‘s feet shuffled, almost like he was.. nervous? “Though they had to move out. Family reasons.” Edd nodded silently. Tord was absolutely lying out his ass, but he wasn’t sure why. The speedy motel was condemned two years ago because of a rat infestation. So that part definitely wasn’t true. Edd wondered for a moment if Tord might've gotten mixed up with the wrong people and was on the run. That’d explain why he was living out of a motel, or at least lying about living out of a motel. But that wouldn’t make sense, why would he just be hanging around in broad daylight then? Tord might’ve been a trigger happy dude. But he wasn’t an idiot. Edd remembered all the inventions and blueprints Tord showed him back in high school, from submarine physics to airplanes semantics, he’d scribbled down anything that crossed his mind. And that was just when they were younger. He decided to change the topic again. 

“Well, since you’re back in town, you could always visit us” he said. “Maybe for a few nights even, we could watch movies and eat popcorn, just like old times.” Edd said, casually. Tord’s eyes lit up. “Wait, really??” He quickly cleared his throat, embarrassed by the desperation in his voice. “I mean, sure, if that’s not imposing on you or the others..” 

“No, it’d be no trouble!” Edd replied. “You know the address, so just feel free to pop in later today, y’know, after work or whatever.” Tord grinned. “I’ll see you then I suppose.” Edd smiled in response. “Sure thing, I’m gonna get back to shopping now.” Tord nodded, and Edd headed down the aisle towards the soda.

Edd finished his shopping, and headed home, somewhat excited to tell the others about seeing Tord at the store, and planning a good old fashioned movie night. I mean sure, he hadn’t  _ technically  _ asked the others, but he was quite certain it’d be fine. He fumbled with the house keys while holding the shopping bags, but eventually got the key shoved into the lock, and opened the door. Immediately, he could smell something garlicky coming from the kitchen. “I’m home!” Edd crowed. “Oo! Finally!” Matt said, coming down the stairs. “Did you get me my shampoo?” He asked. Edd walked into the kitchen, Matt behind him, putting the groceries down on the kitchen table. Tom was at the stove, cooking something in the skillet. “No, I looked, and they were out. Oh, you’ll never guess who I ran into at the store.”

“Sarah Michelle Giller?” Matt asked, excited.

“Shia LeBouf.” Tom said. Edd furrowed his brow. “What? No. It was Tord!” Tom instantly dropped his spatula into the saucepan. “Wait, Tord? As in Tord ‘I’m too good to hang out with you losers’ Tord?” 

“Yeah? How many other Tords do you know.” 

“Only one, unfortunately.” Edd started putting away the groceries. “Aw, don't say that! You all used to be good friends! Remember that time we went to your family’s church service and he lit the drapes on fire?” Tom frowned, and went back to stirring the sauce. Edd rolled his eyes while he put the eggs away. “Ok fine, bad example.” Matt stood in the doorway with a puzzled expression on his face. “Wait, I’m so confused-“

“That’s nothing new.” Tom snipped. Matt didn’t pause, and continued. “-Who’s Tord?” 

Edd turned around, staring at Matt. “Tord Larsson? He used to live here?” A vacant look crossed Matt’s face. “Our former flatmate and best friend?” Matt scratched his head. “You two used to share a room before he moved out? You always had the fan running and it drove him crazy at night?” Tom added, somewhat surprised at Matt’s lack of memory. “You cried for two days after he left, we had to get headphones to drown you out because you didn’t understand he wasn’t dead?” Edd said. Still nothing from Matt. He shrugged. “I mean the name sounds familiar, but I don’t know him. Was this around the time I got really sick with pneumonia for a week?” Both Edd and Tom paused. Tom sucked in air. Ah. Of course. They’d both forgotten about that. On the third day after Tord left, Tom finally had enough and used a memory gun prototype (another one of his great inventions, Edd often remarked) left behind by Tord to get him to shut up. It worked a bit too well, and Matt forgot all about him. The next day he’d forgotten to get his flu shot, and was promptly sick for a week. Whoops. “Y’know what?” Edd said, nervously. “It doesn’t really matter. He’s coming over later anyway, so we can all catch up then!” Tom dropped the sauce pan, splattering meat sauce everywhere, as Matt leapt backwards to avoid the splash zone. “WHAT?” Tom said, almost angry. “Yeah, he’s coming over later for a movie, and maybe to spend the night. Why’s that bad?” Tom pinched his brow. “Because I don’t like the guy? I mean let’s be real Edd, he was a freak.” Matt muttered something about the shampoo, and left the room. “He wasn’t a freak! And you’re one to talk. Plus, I think he needs some help.” Tom raised an eyebrow as he started cleaning up the spilled sauce. “Why would Tord ever need  _ our  _ help?” Tom said, wiping up sauce. “I don’t know what happened exactly” Edd mused. “But he’s definitely been homeless or on the run for awhile, he told me he’s staying at the speedy motel on lively street.”

“I thought they condemned that place two years ago?” Tom said. 

“They did. Which means he’s probably living out of his car and didn’t want to admit it.” Edd said, deflated. “Look, I know you guys were never close, but try to be a little, well, nicer? He was our friend. My friend.” Tom poured the sauce into the trash, and sighed dramatically. “Alright FINE, but I won’t be happy about it.” 

“That’s the spirit!” Edd chirped. “And we should probably find that memory gun and fix Matt before he shows up.” 

Three hours later, everyone was watching the front door in mild anticipation. Edd had restored Matt’s memories when he wasn’t looking, so now it was all he’d been talking about though dinner, and now into the living room. “I can’t believe I just didn’t remember Tord! He used to help me pose for my headshots all the time! I-I don’t know how he slipped my mind!” Matt started off into space for a moment. “I wonder how he’s been, Edd what did he tell you?” But Edd wasn’t listening, he was too busy watching the door. He was just waiting for Tord to walk in at any moment, arms outstretched, and they’d all laugh again, just like they used to. Tom tried snatching a piece of popcorn from the bowl, but Edd quickly slapped it away. “Hey!” Tom said. “Not yet. Not till Tord gets here and the movie starts.” Tom sighed. “Look, Edd, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but ‘after work’ was two hours ago. He’s clearly not coming. Plus, I’ve already seen this movie.” Edd frowned. The movie he’d picked was a vintage slasher flick about a group of teenagers on a cruise ship, that get terrorized by ghost fishermen with hooks for hands. “Well I haven’t. And he’ll come, he’s probably just.. caught up?” Edd joked. Matt laughed, but Tom's mouth creased into a straight line. “Great, well I’m gonna go to my room. Call me when you get tired of waiting and start the movie.” Tom grabbed a piece of popcorn and got it into his mouth before Edd could stop him, and hopped over the couch to his room. Edd looked over to the door and back to the tv again. Maybe Tom was right. He could probably start the movie, and rewind it when Tord showed up.  _ “Or if he shows up.”  _ Edd thought bitterly. He passed the popcorn over to Matt’s lap, and got up to turn the tv volume up, when he heard a car stop out front, and then pull off. Edd paused, and looked at Matt, who shrugged. Edd looked out the curtains, and saw a small, dark figure carrying a heavy backpack and a duffle bag limping up the driveway towards the front door. “It’s Tord!” Edd cheered. “Wait really?” Matt said, also getting up. Edd went over to the door to open it right as the doorbell rang. He opened it immediately, and saw the pitiful state Tord was in. He was wearing the same clothes as he was at the store, sans the trench coat however, which was mysteriously missing. He had two fresh bruises on his cheek and a long, bleeding gash along the corner of his face. His hair was a nightmare, tangled and messy, with no effort to hide it. His jeans were fully ripped at the knees and he had a few bleeding scrapes and bruises. “Tord!” Matt practically shouted. “Dude, what happened to you?” Edd said, confused, as Tord shuffled into the living room. “Wow, it’s exactly as I remembered it.” He looked over to the stairs, and raised a scraped eyebrow. “Well, almost. You all haven’t changed a bit.” He dropped his backpack on the floor next to the duffle bag, which Edd then realized clearly wasn’t his, judging by the pink flowers sewn on, rainbow arm strap, and the purple zipper. “So, what movie are we watching?” Tord said, as if nothing was wrong. “Uh, it’s S.S murder, but don’t you think you should um, clean up first?” Edd said, gesturing to Tord’s bleeding face. Tord looked confused, but put a hang gingerly up to his cut cheek. “Hm? Oh sure. The bandages are still in the same place, right?” Edd nodded slowly. “Right, well give me about- five, ten minutes and I’ll be in to join you.” Tord said. “Ok…” Edd replied, sitting back down on the couch. Matt absently-minded grabbed Tord’s bags and started up the stairs. “Wait, where are you going?” Edd said, grabbing the popcorn again. “Taking his stuff up to my room? We’re obviously not gonna make him leave, right?” Matt retorted. Edd paused, and nodded again. “Yeah, yeah that’s right. Do you have an air mattress up there for him?” Matt continued up the stairs. “No, but he can sleep on my fainting couch. Well, until I need it for glamour shots in the morning.” He called down. Edd rolled his eyes. 

Everyone was sitting on the couch now, munching down popcorn and catching up between commercial breaks. “So what happened? Why’d you show up looking like you got mugged on the way here?” Tom callously stated. “Tom!” Matt said, slapping the back of his head. “HEY.” Tom shouted, rubbing where Matt had just slapped him. “Guys” Edd sighed. “Can’t you keep the cat fights to a minimum?” 

Tord chuckled some. “Classic stupid Tom. Though Matt, you are not actually that far off.” 

“Wait, really?” Edd said, his head turning to Tord. “Yes, I actually did get in a fight on the way here between myself and.. a friend.” Tord said, almost hesitant. “You should’ve seen him though! Quite sure he looked worse!” He chuckled, which then turned into a laugh. A loud one. For about a second too long. Matt furrowed his brows. Tom rolled his solid black eyes. Edd raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, just thought of something funny.” Tord said quickly, tossing a piece of popcorn into his mouth. “Anyway, Edd, how's that illustration project you mentioned going?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'know the meme where someone's qrting a tweet of some random dude thirsting for Nemo's dad with "we need to get this goddammed vaccine"? yeah just picture that setting but replace the weird thirst tweets with this whole fic.


	2. hoes b like *observes you with ulterior motives*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is like the beginning of a horror movie when the main cast hasn't figured out they're in a slasher flick yet and miss every red flag possible.

Tord spent that night upstairs in Matt’s room, sleeping on the fainting couch. Edd tried to bring up some extra blankets, but by the time he found some that were actually clean and headed up the stairs to the attic, Tord was already fast asleep on the couch. His arm hanging off the couch and onto the floor, drooling some onto the purple velvet upholstery. Edd looked over, and saw Matt fast asleep, with his hands crossed over his chest, still as a statue. He sighed, and just placed the blankets by the stairway down.  
As Edd then headed down the steps, and noticed a small messenger bag laying next to the couch. Curiously, He picked it up. It didn’t look like anything of Tom’s, Matt certainly didn’t have enough books to own one, and it wasn’t Edds. “It’s probably Tord’s.” He thought. “Maybe it fell out of the backpack?” He picked it up, and found himself surprised by the weight. It didn’t look heavy, but it still felt like there was about a gallon of milk inside the bag. “What the hell does he have in this thing, rocks?” Edd thought. Bewildered, He shook the bag, and shockingly, heard something.. metallic rattle. Finally, he went to open the flap. Just to see. Knowing Tord, it was probably something like a bunch of forks or something dumb like that.  
“I was wondering where that went.”  
Edd practically leapt out of his skin, whipping his head around to see Tord standing at the base of the stairs, the low light coming in from the streetlights dimly illuminating the right side of his bandaged face.  
“Oh uh-yeah! I.. found this. Was gonna take it up to you.” Edd stumbled. “Jeez man, you really scared me! Didn’t even hear you come down, haha.” Tord walked over, silent. “Thanks, it must have fallen from my bag when Matt took my things up.” He said, waving a hand. Edd nodded. “Right, well, goodnight then.” Edd replied. “Right back at you.” Tord said, walking up the stairs.  
Edd trudged to his room. “Wonder what that was about?” He thought. “Must be tired. I know I am.” Edd opened his bedroom door, followed by the sound of little kitty paws on the carpet behind him. He opened up the door wide, and Ringo ran in, coming out of hiding for the first time since Tord showed up. Edd sat on his bed, pulling off his trademark green hoodie as Ringo hopped up on the bed next to him. “Do you know what that was about?” He asked the cat. Ringo didn’t answer, but rubbed her little head on his thigh. Edd smiled, and scratched behind her head. “Yeah, I don’t know either.” He pulled off his jeans, and put on a clean shirt to sleep in. “I guess he’s just weird like that, huh.” Edd sighed, crawling into bed. Ringo meowed, and curled up at his feet. “I’ll take that as an agreeing meow.” He said, drifting off to sleep. 

Edd awoke, rather abruptly, sprawled out across his sheets, with Ringo lost somewhere in the bunched up comforter at his feet. He sat up, scratching his head. “What time is it?” He mumbled to himself. It was still dark outside, but he could see some early lights of morning coming over the horizon. He looked over to his alarm clock to find it’s screen completely black. Hm. Weird. Edd crawled out of bed, to which he heard Ringo’s detesting meows. “Oh be quiet. You know I’m coming right back.” Edd called over his shoulder, as he inspected his alarm clock. He looked down to see it was still plugged into the wall. “Aright, that's a bit weirder.” He thought. “Powers got to be out then.” Edd walked over to the window, and looked out. The whole block looked dark, and yet the streetlights were on, with some red and blue flashing lights further down the road. Ringo meowed again in protest. “Alright, alright, I’m coming.” Edd gave in, and flopped back into the bed, facedown, as Ringo crawled out of her blanket den to nuzzle against his head. “Yes, good kitty. You really are spoilt, aren’t you?” He chided. Ringo just purred and slowly fell back asleep. 

The next time Edd woke up, it was to the sound of shouting and the delightful smell of bacon and eggs. It was definitely morning now, with the sunlight streaming in through his bedroom window, and Ringo was still curled up on his pillow, cute as little button, purring away and fast asleep. Careful not to disturb her, Edd did an awkward shimmy from under the covers, rolling onto the floor, and then hopping up. He looked down to see his alarm clock now flashed a bright red “12:00” as he quickly put on his slippers, and crept out the door, shutting it behind him as he trotted to the kitchen, excited for bacon.  
Edd wandered into the kitchen and saw Tom making bacon in one skillet and eggs in another, with Matt at the table eating frosted mini-wheats. They were fighting about something, with Matt making a foolhardy speech about something and Tom shooting it down with little snide remarks and his typical 'tude’.  
“I’m just being realistic. Lots of sources say that veganism is much healthier.” Matt said, shoveling more cereal into his mouth. “Page two of google search results does not count as a source. Tom hissed. “You’ve got to stop reading all those shit clickbait articles, it’s rotting your brain.” He flipped the bacon finished bacon onto a plate. “And you’ve got a lot of nerve to bitch at me about health benefits when I make you breakfast everyday.”  
“Cereal doesn’t count as making me breakfast!” Matt snipped. “Then why couldn’t you do it yourself?” Tom said, sarcastically. Edd looked around, and then noticed Tord sitting absent-minded at the table, picking at his plate, wordlessly. “Depends on who you ask.” Tord said quietly, rolling his eyes. “Excuse me?” Tom said, turning to face him. “There's some studies that show a diet that’s high in meat is actually much better for you” Tom sighed dramatically as he dumped some more finished bacon onto the plate. “What is this, the fucking Facebook pseudoscience convention? Can you even name one of these ‘studies’?”  
“I was just saying. Is that not allowed?” Tord said. “What, does your church not allow you to read published scientific material?”  
Tom opened his mouth when Edd cut him off. “So, ah Tord, how’d you sleep last night?” Edd queried, taking a seat at the table. Tord leaned back in his chair, still fiddling with his silverware. “I slept fine. The couch was much nicer than my usual arrangements.”  
“You have me to thank for that mister!” Matt cut in, still chomping down on his cereal. “You got drool all over my couch!” Tord rolled his eyes. “Oh, well think of it as vengeance for all those years you terrorized me with that box fan.” Matt crossed arms, still pouting. “I need air circulation! If I don’t have it, my beauty sleep suffers!” Tom finished cooking the last of the bacon and slid it onto the plate, sitting down at the table. “Here, you ungrateful bastards.” He said, passing the plate of bacon around. “I’m grateful!” Edd said. “I love bacon.” Tom sighed and shoveled some bacon onto his plate with the toast and sautéed tomato. “You’re just about the only one.” He glared at Tord and Matt. Tord rolled his eyes. 

The rest of breakfast was spent with minor chit-chat between bites, and only got derailed into a heated debate once or twice when Tom brought up gun control. No furniture or bones ended up broken, so All things considered, that was a pretty good success. Or at least Edd thought it was. He was now sitting in the living room now, rewatching some old episodes of the Simpsons while doodling in his sketchbook. He could hear some low bass notes followed by some grumbling from Tom’s room, and a loud crash from the attic. All together, a fairly average afternoon. He flipped the sketchbook page over, right as Ringo hopped over the couch. “Hey pretty kitty.” Edd cooed. “We missed you at breakfast, you know that?” Ringo nuzzled her head into the crook of his arm. Edd smiled and scratched her head. “Truly a conversationalist, aren’t you?”  
Just then, Tord came down the steps. “Hey, ah, where is the alcohol wipes- who are you talking to?” He said, casually. Edd looked up from his work. “Oh, it’s just Ringo, my cat. You remember her right?” Ringo immediately sat up at the mention of her name, staring bullets into Tords face. “Oh yes, hello kitty.” Tord chirped, walking over to pet her. Ringo immediately recoiled at Tords approaching hand, hissing aggressively. “Ringo!” Edd cried. “Don’t be rude!” Ringo responded by hissing again, leaping from her perch in his arms, and knocking the sketchbook from Edds hands as she trotted off into the kitchen. “Did I.. do something?” Tord said, confused. “No no, I don’t know why she did that.” Edd sighed, picking up his crumpled sketchbook from the carpeted floor. “She's usually a very friendly cat! If not a little shy through. Maybe you smell weird or something?” Tord flinched. “Oh, yeah that could be it. I’ll bet I do not smell normal to her.” He crosses his arms. “Oh, that reminds me, where do you keep the wipes? They used to be in the coat closet by the front door-“ Tord gestured to the stairs leading to the attic. “But there’s stairs there now.” Edd sat up, putting his sketchbook back into his lap, straightening the pages that Ringo crumpled with the heel of his palm. “They should be in the kitchen, under the sink next to the drain cleaner.” Tord snapped his fingers “right, right! Thanks Edd.” He said, heading into the kitchen. Edd finished fumbling with the pages of his sketchbook, and grabbed a pencil to start doodling again. He put his pencil to the paper, drawing two lines when-  
“EDD!” Tord shouted from the kitchen. Edd sighed. “WHAT?” He hollered back. “I CAN'T FIND THEM!” Edd groaned, and put his sketchbook on the couch, and paused the television. He walked into the kitchen to Tord laying on his stomach, tossing everything out from under the kitchen sink. “Hey hey hey!” Edd shouted. “You’re messing up the system! Geeze, just move, and I’ll find them.” Tord shuffled out of the cabinet, sitting back on his knees as Edd crouched down, digging through cleaners and unused swiffer heads. He pulled out a small cream container and handed it to Tord. “That all we have. If you need more you’ll just have to wait till I go shopping again in a few days.” Tord tossed the container from hand to hand. “Thanks!” And Tord turned to walk back upstairs. “Hey!” Edd said. “Aren’t you gonna come help me put this shit back into the cabinet?” He called after the red hoodie-clad fellow. “What?” Tord called stomping up the stairs. “I cannot hear you! I am already upstairs!” Edd threw his head back dramatically. “Less than one day back and it’s like he never left.” He sighed, getting down to start putting away cleaner products.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do y'all have any idea how fucking hard it is to write a person with a Norwegian accent who's first language isn't English? its super hard and the only thing I could think of was to just pull a star trek tng and not have him use contractions ever.


	3. o-o

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no proofreading here we die like men.

It’d been about a week now since Tord came back, and quite frankly, Tom was at his limit. Sure, when they were younger he and Tord might’ve gotten along fine, but that was high school, and this was now, and now Tom was playing his guitar as loud as he could to drown out Tord upstairs. He was watching some terrible new hentai at full volume. Without headphones. And Tom could hear every bit of it. He’d tried the traditional approach of shouting at Tord up the stairs and kicking the ceiling, but either Tord never heard it, or didn’t care enough to turn down the volume.  _ “Probably the second one, the inconsiderate prick.” _ Tom throught. Matt was out that day at the arcade blowing every bit of pocket change he had, and Edd was at the store, and then to Petco for Ringo, so it was just him and Tord in the house. Unfortunately. 

Tom turned up the speaker for his guitar, and played another solo at top volume. He’d been more or less workshopping a new album for about a month now, and he’d been making great progress. Well, he was, that is, until Tord decided to watch the most deplorable content Japan had to offer, full blast on Matt’s sticker-covered and malware-ridden chromebook, making concentration all but possible. He furrowed his brows in frustration, strumming the cords harder, making sure to hang on every loud note he could. Nevertheless, the noise persisted, punctuating every beat with a loud anime girl moan. Angrily, Tom dragged his nails across the guitar, just trying to make the worst sound possible. He scratched and twanged, with the instrument making hellish sounds in accordance. Scratchy, static shrieks and electrical sounds blasted so loud Tom couldn’t hear himself think.

At the end of his temper-tantrum fueled solo, he paused. A silent moment followed, and Tom felt himself almost sigh a breath of relief. Then, a cacophonous moan came bellowing through the walls. Tom threw himself onto the bed in frustration, screaming into his pillow.  _ “For fucks sake!”  _ He thought, furiously.  _ “Is the bastard not aware that other people live here??” _ Tom rolled over, the pillow unable to block out the unholy sounds.  _ “I’m never gonna get anything finished with him up there!”  _ He sat up in bed, tossing his pillow aside.  _ “That’s it. I’m just gonna go have to  _

_ knock the bloke cross-eyed!”  _ He hopped out of bed, storming up the stairs, stomping with every step. “TORD!” Tom screamed as he marched up the steps. “TURN THAT GODLESS RACKET DOWN!“ as Tom came up the steps, he saw the room.. empty? The bathroom door was closed, but there was Matt’s laptop sitting open on the bed, apparently playing some random hentai with nobody watching it. Curiously, with his eyes (or lack thereof) shielded, Tom looked over the computer. It was on autoplay and full volume, so Tom quickly muted it, and shut the computer. He looked around. The room was messy, but that was to be expected, as the words “Matt” and “cleaning” never found themselves in the same sentence. The bathroom door was shut, but Tom could see some light peeking from out underneath. He walked over, and knocked on the door. “Tord? I shut your awful porn down- Tord?” The door creaked open just as Tom wrapped upon it. Curiously, he opened the door, stepping inside. The light over the sink was on, and in the sink was about 13 different pieces of flatware, specifically forks. One of which, had what he noticed was a.. monogram? They seemed to be soaking in some sort of strange solution, and on the counter, he saw a grey t-shirt with some dark blotches on the front. He didn’t have time to get a good look beyond that, as just then, he heard Tords thick Norwegian accent cry out from behind him.

“Hey! You messed up my videos. I had a queue going!” Tom turned around to see Tord fiddling with Matt’s laptop. He frowned. Crossing his arms as he shut the bathroom door behind him. “I had to do something, the whole neighborhood probably thinks we’ve got some poor Japanese girl in here at the mercy of your crazy ass.” Tord looked up from the laptop and rolled his eyes. “Oh suck my nuts. Since when have the neighbors given any shits what we are up to?” Tom crossed his arms as he headed over to the stairs down. “Since Eduardo and his gang of tropes moved in. God knows they would’ve had a noise complaint on our asses within the hour if I hadn’t turned that off.” Tord looked up from the laptop, confused. “Eduardo? Who the fuck is that?” This time Tom's eyes rolled. “Forget it. Just keep your shit down, for the sake of others.” Tom started down the stairs. Then he had a thought. “What’s with the forks?” Tom called over his shoulder. Tords posture changed, but he didn’t stop typing on the laptop. “They’re.. collectibles. I have to disinfect them every time I get a new one. Now piss off.” Tom's brows furrowed in confusion again. “Why not just wash them in the kitchen then? Y’know where we have this nifty stuff called soap.” He retorted. Tord sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Because it is faster this way! Do you really care? Or are you just interested in picking another fight?” Tom scowled. “Fuck, fine.” He headed down the steps. “Jesus Christ.” 

Edd was once again greeted by the familiar smell of the corner store as the door chimes upon his entrance. The smell of greasy chicken drifted from the back of the store, and the smell of plastic pervaded the front aisles. He didn’t need nearly as much stuff as he did last time he was here, although there was some new stuff he need to pick up as well, like more alcohol wipes for Tord.  _ “I wonder what he needed them for.”  _ Edd thought carelessly as he turned down the first aisle towards the shampoo.  _ “Probably cleaning, lord knows that Matt’s room could use it.”  _ Edd mindlessly threw a few boxes of dish detergent into the shopping buggy.  _ “Not that Tord was ever much of a guy to clean either.”  _ His thoughts continued to wander while strolling down the aisle.  _ “I wonder what Toms gonna make for dinner tonight? I hope it’s broccoli cheddar casserole.. wait, did I turn off the stove this morning?”  _

“Oh it’s just terrible!” An old woman’s voice crowed from the next aisle over, stopping Edds train of thought. “I know! Me and Brian moved here just to find a safer neighborhood, you know, for John and Maurice, but it’s seeming like things only get worse these days.” Another, slightly younger woman’s voice said, sighing. Curious and nosey, Edd leaned in closer to the aisle to eavesdrop. “Where did they find the body again?” The older woman said. “Under a bridge, about a stone's throw from here, and just off the main drag. The poor blokes insides were cut to ribbons, and he was missing bits and pieces off the extremities as well.” Edd continued to listen in while examining brands of paper towels.

“Heaven be, sounds dis-GUSTING!” The older lady snipped. “Rightly so. You know, I’d heard the Corner got sick in the face looking at the fellow!” The younger woman replied. “It really makes you wonder who could muster up the sense to be so cruel.” Edd tossed a two pack of paper towels into his buggy. That’s weird, he hadn’t heard of a murder happening lately, although, it wasn’t like he kept up with that sort of thing, he thought, continuing down the aisle.

“Your total is £34.26, cash or card?” The cashier said, flicking blue hair from her eyes. “Cash.” Edd mumbled, digging through his backpack for some loose coins. He grabbed his wallet, and found the bills, placing them onto the counter. The cashier picked them up, and started ringing up change. From the corner of his eye, Edd saw the two women from earlier cross into the next aisle over, and he had a through. Edd glanced back at the cashier lady. She had a shiny nametag with hello kitty stickers, and a glittery balloon drawn on. In scribbled handwriting, it plainly said; ‘Laurel.” 

“Hey, did you hear about that murder?” Edd said, inquisitive. Laurel looked up. “Which one?” She replied, rather canid. Edd tried to recall the obscure detections mentioned by the younger woman in the cleaning aisle. “The one that’s ah, about a stones.. throw from here? Just off the main.. drag?” He said, rather unconfident. Laurel looked back down at the register, handing Edd his change. “Oh, the homeless guy. Yeah, a few days ago they found a stiff up under a bridge. Came in and questioned just about all of us staff, y’know, to see if we’d seen anything.” 

“Did you?” Edd asked, curiously. “I mean, like did you see anything.” Laurel rolled her eyes, while bagging Edds groceries. “Me? I please, I just work here. I didn’t see anything.” She set Edds groceries back down into the shopping buggy. “And besides, I don't work the night shift.” Edd nodded. “Oh right, yeah.” Laurel leaned back onto the balls of her feet. “Though ya do know what I did hear?” She said, almost ominous. Edd leaned in instinctively. “The bloke that did it? Probably ate parts of the guy.” Edd hesitated. “Like.. as in..” 

“Cannibalism.” Laurel said, dramatically. “Freaky, right?” Edd picked up his groceries, and startered to the car. “Ha, yeah, y'know-“ he paused, and turned back around. “I thought Halloween wasn’t coming for another few months?” Laurel smiled, leaning against the back wall of the store. “It’s just a rumor.” Edd smiled back, rolling his eyes, as he headed out to the car. “Isn’t that how most ghost stories start?” 

Back at the house, things were… suspiciously quiet when Edd pulled up in the car. While unloading groceries, he saw Eduardo scowling from the house next door, also unloading groceries. Edd narrowed his eyes, returning the scowl, but said nothing. Fumbling with the keys, Edd got the front door opened, and was greeted with the smell of onions, paprika, turmeric, and other savory spices.  _ “So it’s Indian food then.” _ Edd thought. “I’m home!” He called out, tossing the keys aside. Tom poked his head from the kitchen. “Dinner is Indian takeaway. Come get some before it gets cold and tastes bad. Again.” Edd threw off his coat onto the couch. “Sure thing, lemme get the groceries.” And Edd headed back out to the car, again making ill-intended eye contact with Eduardo across the yard. 

Edd sat down to the kitchen table, and grabbed a plate. Matt was leaning against the kitchen cabinets, eating a plate of rice and cooked vegetables, while Tom was eating a plate of chicken kadhai. Edd served himself two hearty scoopings of rice when he noticed the empty chair at the end of the table. “Hey, where’s Tord?” He asked. “I don’t know. What do I look like, his keeper?” Tom mumbled between bites. “Probably upstairs giving Matt’s laptop more hentai-site viruses.” Edd nodded. “Well, did anyone tell him dinner was ready?” 

“I did!” Matt said cheerfully. “But he said he wasn’t hungry.” He frowned, picking at his vegetables. “Yeah right well, like I said, I’m not his keeper.” Tom said. Edd sighed, and got up to go to the fridge. “Anyone else want a drink?” He said. “Nah, I’m good.” Tom said, waving his flask. “Matt?” Edd said, turning to his friend who was too busy picking at his rice to pay attention. “Alright then, whatever.” Edd said, as he grabbed a coke from the fridge. He sat back down, and started back into his chicken. Tom took a swing from his flask. “Hey Edd, when was the last time-“ Tom’s question was cut off by someone clearing their voice in the doorway. “Um excuse me, is there any chicken left?” Tord said. Tom rolled his eyes. “Speak of the devil.” Edd shot Tom a dirty look, but pushed the styrofoam takeout container closer to Tord. “Sure, there’s plenty. Feel free to grab yourself a plate.” Tord walked over the cabinet, and pulled out a saucer, and scooped out a spoonful of the chicken kadhai with mixed vegetables. “I thought you were a meat only guy.” Tom quipped. Tord frowned. “I never said that. I simply said a diet that is high in meat can be good for you. Jeez.” “Oh, speaking of meat, that reminds me, did you guys hear about the guy who was murdered the other day?” Matt said, rather nonchalant. Tord dropped his fork. “Do I look like someone dense enough to watch the news?” Tom said, taking another swing from his flask. “Oh, yeah I did actually!” Edd said, “supposedly the killer was some kind of cannibal.” Tom laughed, but Tord’s posture was stiff as stone. “There’s no way.” Tom chucked. “That’s just stuff they put in for dramatic effect to make headlines. Lemme guess, the body laid out for a bit too before they found it too, right?” Edd shrugged. “I dunno. I heard about it in passing.” 

“It’s been cold lately, so yeah they don’t know when the dude died.” Matt said, chomping down on some more vegetables. Tom laughed again. “Wow, what a load of bs.” And he drank again. Edd looked over to Tord, who’d gone completely silent, as he started holes into the kitchen table, eyes blank, his face almost sheet white. “Hey Tord, you ok? You’re looking a bit green around the gills.” Edd said, curiously. Tord seemed to snap to at the mention of his name, and looked up. “I’m fine. Just.. I cannot imagine a person.. eating other people.” His expression hardly waned though, his eyes still glazed over. “Yeah.” Matt added. “Freaky.” Edd nodded, holding up his coke. “Cheers to that.” And took a drink. Tom looked over to Tord, and Edd noticed he seemed to be.. judging him? Staring maybe?  _ “No, that can’t be right.”  _ He thought. That didn’t make much sense.  _ “Toms probably just staring off into the distance again and not paying attention.”  _ Edd reasoned with himself. Tord shuffled in his seat, clearly aware of Tom’s staring. “I’m gonna go to bed early tonight Matt, so do me a favor and keep that light of yours from my eyes.” Matt crossed his arms in a huffy fit. “How am I going to take my evening selfies then?” 

“You look the same in all of them.” Edd interjected. “Why not just save some electricity and reuse the ones from last night?” 

“Or earlier today.” Tom snarked. “Who could tell the difference?” Matt put an offended hand to his chest. “Who could tell the difference???” He cried. “WHO COULD TELL THE DIFFERENCE-“ 

“Oh god not again.” Edd said, face palming. Tom took another swing of his flask. “Welp, see you guys later!” Tord chipped, making a dash for the door.  **“WHO COULD TELL THE DIFFERENCE???”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you may interpret the scene with Edd and Laurel however you please. Will it be relevant? probably not. Did I have fun writing it? oh 1000%


End file.
